Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
