He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
