can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
