You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
please don't ironically join a cult
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