i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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