i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
