I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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