True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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