did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
