I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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