Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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