Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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