Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
