True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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