I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize