Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
As shirtless as possible
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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