dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
