this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
