STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
