i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
