I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
