you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
