1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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