She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
