How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize