I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
