made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
