is your mom at the bar?
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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