i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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