I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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