can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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