I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
