I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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