hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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