I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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