@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
