weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
