Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
