just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
