mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
tequila makes me forget i have legs
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
