I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
