my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
