dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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