the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
