i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
