Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Found your dick twin last night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
