Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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