My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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