we made out on top of his cat.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize