Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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