Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
