Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize