Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
