is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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