Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
