You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
