I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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