I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize