if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
