If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
