Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
