If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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