found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
