Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
