I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
are you so shy because you have an std?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
