This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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